Sunday, May 15, 2011


We've all spent the last three weeks changing and adjusting...adjusting and changing.  Adjusting to our new "normal" and figuring out how we do life now. The first couple of weeks seemed to go fairly smoothly...but the last week or so, each child, in their own way, has resisted this change. In fact, things were going fairly smoothly (all things considered...and everything is truly relative) that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. People would ask how the kids were doing and how the adjustment was going. I would cautiously offer up that things were going okay...but since I have "been there, done that", I was waiting for that infamous other shoe.

Lily is struggling with sharing mama. Although she loves her new baby sister, it's been hard for her to get bumped from her snuggly spot on my lap every morning only to watch that new baby being held every minute. How I wish she could tell me how she feels, although I already know. Most of her disdain for her current life's circumstances comes out in tantrums, screaming, and crying. And kicking. And hitting. The adjustment is proving to be hard for her. I wish I could make this easier on her somehow.

Ben is fighting for any attention he can get his hands on. Doesn't matter to him whether it's positive or negative at this point. We are trying to praise him when he makes good choices and ignore the bad ones...which is proving to be challenging when it, too, involves a lot of screaming and crying. Change can be so hard...especially for little ones.

Ella is old enough to verbalize how she is feeling. She came up to me a few nights ago crying and said "There's not enough attention around here now that the baby is home!" Oh, how my heart broke to hear her words...but I'm so glad that we have been able to talk about it and proactively plan some quiet times to sneak away just the two of us to help combat her feelings of being left out.

On the positive, Cora is starting to become more comfortable with us as people she likes and wants to be with. As is normal, sometimes she pulls back and I can feel the distance between us, the fact that we only met a mere three weeks ago. The nights still prove to be harder which is when she feels most vulernable and emotions run the highest. But in those other times, I get glimpses that she is starting to trust us little by little. Cora has started, slowly, to let us see the real her. She's starting to giggle and I got my first all-out belly laugh last week. It's so good to see glimpses of the sweet, cuddly, smily, and curious baby we met in Korea. It amazes me when I think of the strength Cora has had to possess and dig deep for, as has Ben and Lily too, in their little lives. Although they won't remember it, the lingering effects, both good and bad, will always be with them for going through this journey.

Not surprisingly, Jason is doing the best out of all of us. He's an easy going kind of guy, who possesses a quiet strength about him. He has been the rock that I have needed, the one who has strived to give attention to each child, taken care of me when I have needed it, and even though sleep-deprived himself, doesn't grumble but takes the baby and walks for hour after hour. He's a wonderful father and I'm so thankful I get to spend my life with him.  
Last week was very difficult so I am hoping this week will prove to be easier. Whatever "easier" actually means.

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