As many of you know, I was incredibly sick with Ella. I had hyperemesis gravidarum with that pregnancy. It is the single, most difficult thing I have ever had to endure. I was very sick, lost weight, became dehydrated, admitted to the ER, and finally put on IV therapy. My Mom came down every week (with the exception of one, where my auntie filled in for her) for over 20 weeks to care for me while Jason was at work. I, literally, was unable to take care of my self with only the basic of needs.
Just a quick rabbit trail here, but I learned more from my Mom during those 20+ weeks than she will ever be able to understand. She wasn't feeling well at that time and was dealing with her own health issues. To see her serve, sacrafice, and take care of me during her own hard time blessed my heart in ways I can't explain and I really saw Jesus shine through her. I was becoming a mother for the first time, and seeing her example of what a mother is, taught me about what it means to sacrafice for your children. It showed me how strong a love can be between mother and her child. It raised a bar in me, set the standards high, and I still work to reach it every day. I strive to be a mother like my own.
*sniff* (The memories are so vivid, even thinking about it all again, brings me right back to those moments in time. How hard they were and how much of a difference my Mom made in my life; physically, spiritually, and emotionally.)
That first pregnancy was something, that at times, I truthfully wasn't sure I was going to survive. Hyperemesis literally is likened to going through chemo treatments. In fact, I was on zofran, which is the drug given to chemo patients for the severe and dibilitating nausea that is experienced. It was as if, each day, I felt like I was dying just a little more...hoping that I would be able to hang on until the baby was born.
There are a lot of things that went into making this decision, and let me tell you that this baby was indeed planned. We wanted this baby before this baby even came to be. I am desperately and madly in love with this baby. And I'm thrilled to be a mom to another eternal being.
There were lots (and lots and lots) of conversations with God that took place. Converstaions asking where He was leading, what He wanted for our family. In fact, these conversations started about 4-5 years ago...and that's how long it has taken me to come around. To come to a point of even considering going through a pregnancy again...
*To be contintued*