Korean Folk Village

Gourds

Walking bridge

Fan workshop

Farmer's Music and Dance

Kitchen

Kimchi pots

Mill

Believed to guard against disease and disaster

Jason's seafood pancake...mostly squid

View outside Suwon Station

Stepping Stone Bridge

Mini kimichi pots...I just had to have a few

Oh, the look of a tourist...

Jason and I on the bus to the KFVillage

Today we woke up to rain. Just when I thought it couldn't get more humid in this country, it rained. I'm just not sure if I can explain just how humid it was outside today...but I'll give it a shot. Pretend that you are in a swimming pool, dunk your head under water, try to breathe while below the surface...yep...that's pretty much the feeling. Okay, maybe a little exaggeration, but not too far off the mark in my opinion.

Jason and I hopped on the subway, and I must admit, we are starting to become pros at finding our way around down there. We took it to an area that we hadn't been yet...Suwon. I am just amazed that no matter where you go in this city, there are apartments that stretch out to forever. They are everywhere. In the states, you see neighborhoods with houses...not the same here. The subway ride lasted almost an hour and then we found the shuttle bus that drove us another 30 minutes to the Korean Folk Village.

This place was amazing...talk about culture. Culture from thousands of years ago. It has been an experience to soak up Seoul, although Seoul is very, very westernized and modern. It was truly an experience to soak up and learn about this amazing culture and people...what they did and how they survived so long ago. My favorite thing I saw was how the ladies used to make silk for clothes. They had this hot, bubbling pot of silkworms still in their cocoons. One woman used her chopsticks to stir them and when she did this some of the silky cocoon exterior would stick to her chopsticks. She would scrap it off onto thin rollers and another woman pulled out the string that was formed and wrapped it around a square swift type of thing. Once the silk cooled it was incredibly strong. It was a very cool process although I'm sure those silkworms would disagree.

The Korean people seemed to live in some pretty modest means. They had various different roofing as well as home styles depending on where in the country you lived...the north versus the south. They even had all the employees dressed in hanbooks, the traditional clothing of the koreans. That alone made you feel like you had just stepped back in time. It was all beautiful and very interesting.

After taking around 90 minutes to get back to SWS, we rested for a bit and then headed out for some supper. We decided that although we love korean food, we needed to havea little comfort food. The restaurant of choice: Mad for Garlic. It's funny that you can find an italian restaurant with english menus right in the heart of Seoul. Jason ordered pizza of course and I ordered a giant bowl of pasta. It was delicious and very satisfying. There was even one point at the table where I really felt like I was at home in the states. All of a sudden I remembered just where we were on the globe and it kind of caught me off guard. How weird is that?!?

I found a cooking show on tv...you know me, I love watching cooking shows. Jason was sitting next to me as I started to turn the volume up. Here's the conversation that took place:

Jason: What are you doing?

Me: Watching a cooking show.

Jason: No...what are you DOING?

Me: I can't hear her, I want to find out what she's making.

Jason: (A look of "really, Honey?!?"

Me: What?!? I can't hear it!

Jason: (Another look of "really, Honey?!?")

Me: WHAT?!? I can't hear her explaining things!

Jason: She is speaking in korean...you can't understand a word she says no matter what!

Me: Oh....hmmm...oh yeah, I guess turning the volume up won't really help me then, will it.

I'll blame it all on jetlag and still being tired.

A Heartfelt...

Thank you!! I wish I could give a hug to each one of you who have written to me over the past few days or prayed for not only Lily, but for Jason and I. I am in awe of the amazing outpouring of love, support, and prayers from each of you. Your emails have encouraged and soothed by soul. It's been like balm...healing to say the least. God has given me such amazing people in my life, provided me with endless support and love, and has shown me how much He loves me through your words. I'm so glad that you have come on this journey with me and are willing to support me in the ways that you have. I couldn't do it without you.

From the bottom of my heart...thank you.

Missing My Babies

Christmas, 2008. 12. 25




A blast from the past...how cute are they? (And little!)


Hi Ella and Ben...
Mommy is missing you so much right now! Although I am having a nice time in Korea, I really miss spending time with you both. I miss reading books to you, having you sit on my lap and cuddle, and me getting to tell you I love you. You are my pride and joy and you each make me a better person.

I'm so excited for you to meet your new little sister. I just know that you three will grow to love each other in no time. Ben, you will make a great big brother, you will have to show Lily how to run and tumble, how to jump and be crazy, and everything you know about Lightning McQueen. Ella, you will make a wonderful big sister. You are already so good at it now and you will be able to show Lily how to play house and babies, the love of all things books, and what it means to be compassionate and caring.

I love and miss you dearly...I can't wait to see you. Expect some big hugs and lots of kisses at the airport!

Love,
Mommy

Namdaemun and Shinsagae

Me with my "T Money" card...you need that to ride the subway




Enjoying Namdaemun...check out that woman with all those trays on her head.





Namdaemun





Food vendors...Namdaemun




The restaurant at Namdaemun...awesome, awesome food.




Big bowl of spicy kimchi. Kimchi is eaten at every meal...even breakfast. I have grown to love the stuff.




Omurice...food mixed with rice and then rolled up in an egg...like a tortilla kind of...I ate almost the whole thing it was sooo good. Pretty too!




This is for you Scott..."Porky Children's Wear"...lost in translation maybe?!?




Dried fish for sale...




Shinsegae. Garden Level.



Shinsegae. Our personal portrait. Hard to ask someone to take your picture and explain it to them when you don't speak the same language.




Enjoying a Starbucks on the Garden Level, Shinsegae





Enjoying our feast...korean style




Just for you, Nick...a steaming bowl of bulgogi starting to cook up




Thursday. 2009. 8. 6
I've been here for 4 days now...and I still can't seem to get the hang of this time zone. I was up at 4:45am...hmmm...still dark outside. I got in some good knitting time. I guess I might as well do some of that since I probably won't be picking up a pair of knitting needles anytime soon once I get home again. Lily's little sweater is done and I am very pleased. Now time to start a matching on for Ella. I'm turning into "that mom"...the ones who wants to dress her kids alike...when did this happen?!

As I am typing this, I'm looking out our window. Seoul is such an amazing city. It's huge...the 3rd largest and most poplulated city in the world if I remember right. There are hills off in the distance, a foggy haze covering them making it hard to make out much more than their shapes. With the amount of humidity here, there's always a light haze in the air. There are high-rizes everywhere. Buildings upon buildings, they almost seem like they grow out of each other, squished so close together. There are so many people and not enough land, so the buildings just go up and up and up. Oodles of tall buildings reaching towards the sky. Every direction I look there are groupings of them stretching out across the horizon. As my eye brings me closer, I notice one of my favorite places to lose myself in. Just across the street there is a rooftop garden. The top of the building has a beautifully manicured oriental tree garden. There are spots to sit and space to walk around and take in the landscape of the city. Little bushes trimmed to perfection, trees sculpted into delicate balls and tall oval shapes. I love looking out on this garden and I love watching the people who come up here for their breaks. Although I don't know what they are saying, it's fun to watch them interact with each other.

Today we went to Namdaemun...it's one of my personnel favorites in this city. It's a giant open-air market. There is hustle and bustle everywhere, this place never sleeps. Oh the vendors may go home after a hard day's work, but new vendors come in to replace their spots, new ones with different things to sell or more food to cook up. There is an energy in Namdaemun...a real feel of the culture. There are 6 different gates which are all main entrances. You select which one you want based on what you are there to buy. Of course all of them run together and you find yourself in a whole new section in the blink of an eye. Your choices include childrens wear alley, mens wear alley, ladies clothing alley, beddings alley, climbing wear alley (I know...this one is a brain stumper...a whole "alley" just for this?!?), watches alley, alley for appliances, camera and eyesglasses alley, stationary alley, tourism shopping alley, boiled fish alley, noodles alley, and restaurant row. It's amazing...you can find pretty much anything you could ever want to buy. Bras...yep. Shoes...everywhere. Luggage...oodles of it. Dishes, chopsticks, and hot stone bowls...or course. Rolls and rolls of paper, yarn, gift bags and fabric...yes, yes, and yes. Stinky fish sitting out in the hot sun in 85 degree weather and you wonder if you eat it if you will die from food poisoning...uh huh. It's huge, it's loud, it's alive...and I love it.

In between watch alley and the main drag off Gate 2, just off of restaurant row, there is a place where you can exchange your money for more won, the korean currency. Two women were there doing the money exchanging. They were a little older, sitting under umbrellas, with two giant purses in their laps and a calculater in their hand. Thought I was going to say something about a "bank", didn't you?! Next to them was a man who doesn't even have a stall, doesn't even need one. He took out a plastic tablecloth, spread it out onto the pavement in the middle of the walk area, and dumped out bunches and bunches of wallets. Not nicely arranged as he doesn't have time. People are clammering about. It must have been a sale of sorts as people got down on their knees and started sorting through them. I wish I knew the korean language...I would have loved to have know exactly what the excitement was about. For lunch today we stopped into one of the many restaurants on "restaurant row". These places are all side by side with plastic replicas of the food sitting outside for passer-byers to see. We chose the first one as it looked the cleanest. It was a buzz of people and food orders being shouted from acorss the room. Jason had bibimbop and I chose mandu. It was incredible. Wow...awesome food. It reminded us of our last trip when we were there with our good friends. We sure miss them. One of my favorite things to point out to Jason was the hot, bubbling bowls of steaming bugs. Yes, bugs. Big bugs. He kept trying to say they were nuts, but with the legs all curled in, I'm pretty sure they weren't anything Planters would be wanting to pack into a jar. We walked up and down, in and out, and perussed a lot of the shops. It reminds me a little of the state fair...just taken up a few, okay a few hundred, notches. It was so much fun.

Just across the street from Namdaemun is the Shinsegae Shopping Center. It's such a contrast from the market, it's like you have stepped into another world. From bartering, gobs of people, and hundreds of stalls to an upscale department store. Think Macy's and then some. The basement was a feast for the eyes. Cakes, cookies, cupcakes...all works of art...and you pay heavily for those works of art, mind you! Isles of decadent desserts and beautiful breads. A little further down are delis full of amazing looking pastas, rice dishes, sushi, omurices (delicious, I'll explain later), fruits, and vegetables. There are fried items on sticks that beckon you to try them...and no, not the state fair variety...good thing I know that some of them are octopus and squid! I'm not excited about chewing on something that has the texture of rubber bands. There are countertops of many varieties of dried fish...little itty bitty fish to big ones. We took the elevator to the 11th floor...the Garden Court. Upscale restaurants, a starbucks, and an outdoor seating area. There are fountains bubbling up from the floor and beautifully landscaped areas. There are these trees with loads of pink blooms on them...it was picturesque to say the least. We stayed there for a while, letting our weary feet rest, while we watching the children play.

We get quite a few looks here in Korea. I know that we are different...no black hair, we speak another language, and we don't have those beautiful asian features. Let's just say that we stick out in a crowd. Adults will look and then quickly glance away. They don't want to offend you or stare. But kids...well kids are different. Kids are innocent and curious. Babies will stare...stare...and stare some more. I feel like I must be a two-headed monster with sparklers coming out of my head. It's funny as they are trying to process what they have just come face to face with. While we were in the elevator at Shinsegae, a little boy who looked to be around 4 years old kept looking at us, saying something in korean, and pointing. His mom kept trying to shhhh him, but he kept on. Soon everyone was turning around to see what he was talking about. You could see the nervous, embarrased smile on his mom's face...poor woman, I've been in those shoes...if only we knew what he was saying. As we were sitting and enjoying the scenery on the top floor, we looked over to see a little boy around a year and a half watching us intently. We both smiled at him...and he started crying. Hmmmm...poor child...we scared the stuffing out of him. Hmmmm...time to go.

We rode the subway back to SWS, took a little break in our room, and then headed out for some food. We returned to a restaurant just down the road from here, the one where you get to sit on the floor on mats and eat your meal. I just love the korean experience. It's culture that doesn't exist back home. But all lovely culture deserves a blast from the USA too...or so Jason thought...so it was off to Baskin Robbins for an ice cream dessert. Sure beats steaming bugs.

Meeting Lily

Today we met Lily. The day I've been waiting for, the day I've been thinking about for weeks now. I was up at 5:45 this morning, sleepless because of anticipation and nerves. I wasn't sure what to expect and the unknown was a little nerve-wrecking for me.

Jason and I got up, made our eggs and toast that we had bought the night before from the E-Mart. It was a regular ol' american breakfast. Scrambled eggs with toast and oj.

We walked over to the SWS office building just a few doors down and went in to where our social worker is. Shortly after, we loaded in the van and started the 40 minute drive to the fostermother's home. You know that I can't even swing on a swing at the park without getting motion sickness...so being in this van for that long in "Seoul traffic" was a bit too long for me. We arrived at the apartment building and went it. Lily and her fostermother met us at the door. I wasn't prepared for the actual apartment being on the first floor so I was a bit shocked when the door opened and there, in front of me, was my little girl. My eyes immediately filled with tears and I was overcome with emotion.

There are many wonderful things in adoption, no question. But if I have ever led you to believe that it's all a cake walk, let me assure you that it's not. The harsh realities of adoption were ever present today. It's a whole new ballgame adopting a 10 mo. old versus a 4 mo old. I feel like I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Lots of highs and lots of lows...emotions colliding with each other at every turn. Feeling so overwhelmed with excitement and then overcome with tears. I've wondered how something so wonderful can also be so sad all at the same time.

Jeeah's (Lily's) fostermother is such a wonderful woman. She has done a great job raising her and you can see the strong bond that they have with each other. Jeeah is going through some stranger anxiety right now, and although she was curious of us, she wanted to make sure her f.mom was close by. Jeeah would crawl over to her f.mother, pull herself up to standing, and nuzzle into her. You can see how much safety and security she offers Jeeah and how conforted Jeeah is when she is in her arms. I can never thank this woman enough for investing so much of herself into the care of my baby girl. Jeeah is the baby she is because this woman has given of herself, sacrificed much, and loved her greatly. It really was beautiful to see the relationship these two have together.

We also got to meet Jeeah's fostersister. What a lovely girl! We were immediately aware how much Jeeah loves her and I can only imagine how much these two have bonded as well. I can just picture her sitting on the floor with Jeeah, playing back and forth. Or how she picks Jeeah up and totes her all around the house. I noticed how much Jeeah loves to go to her and would also crawl to her for comfort and safety.

I've been dealing with many personal feelings today. I've gone from being excited to crying. The amount of loss that Jeeah is about to experience is breaking my heart. The sheer weight of it is on the top of my shoulders. It's so different this time, not that Ben didn't have grieving, he did...but Jeeah is so much older that she is aware of so many more things. After seeing the loving bond this family has with her and she with them, I am grieving for all of them today. Adoption is wonderful...but the reality of loss is weighing huge on my heart.

We get to go and pick her up at the agency on Monday at 11:30am...and she will then be forever ours. I'm so nervous, so anxious, so scared. I'm wondering how I will ever comfort her?!? I am the new thing, I am the white thing with red hair, the one who doesn't speak hardly a word she recognizes, the one who smells different, and the one who does everything different than she is used to. I can't hold her and tell her I love her, that everything will be okay...she doesn't understand those words. I asked her f.mom what she does to comfort her...she said that she just picks her up and holds her. I whole-heartedly believe that that brings immense comfort to Jeeah...but I can't give that to her. I'm not the same, I'm not familiar, instead I am the one who is taking her away from everything she knows and everyone she loves.

Oh the up side...she seemed to take to Jason somewhat. She let him hold her and she was even smily with him. HE may just be the one carrying her like crazy in the airport and on the plane. I'm hoping she will warm up to me more as we get to spend more time together. It's the hardest feeling...wanting to be that nurturing mother...and knowing that I'm really not that comforting to her yet. It will come...in time it will come.

It's crazy to look at that little girl, thinking about all the times I have stared at her pictures on my fridge, all the times I have dreamt about her...and here she is. A little one, who in reality, I don't really know...and who really doesn't know me either. It will take time to forge that bond, it will take time to get to know each other, and it will take time to earn her trust. Can it be done? Absolutely. God can work miracles in hearts, can bring families together in a way not humanly possible. God has brought us to this little girl...brought us around to the other side of the globe, and is now in the process of making us a family.

I know that it's impossible for her to like me right away...she just met me. We have only spent 45 minutes together her entire life. I've set my expectations low...set them realistically. But, oh, to have them comfirmed was a hard thing today. She was leary of me and when I tried to hold her, she wanted down. I just have to remind myself that this is actually a sign that her f.mom has done a great job with her...that she knows and understands who she belongs to right now, that she has learned how to love and be loved in return, and that she knows and understands where she is safe.

I'm so nervous for Monday, if you could pray that things will go all right. That Jeeah will be okay, that we will be able to offer her some sort of comfort. We will be getting her less than 24 hours before we have to leave for the airport. That's not a lot of time to get used to each other.

I'm sorry that this email sounds so heavy...it's what's been on my heart today. The realities are setting in...the good with the bad. I have to look at the whole picture, not just the pieces that are happy and easy. It's my job, as her mother, to try and understand what she is going through, help her to get through it, and ultimately give it over to God. Her world is about to be turned upside and down and inside out.

I'll close by saying she is beautiful. I couldn't believe how cute she is. She babbles like crazy and is an inquisitive and curious little girl. I can't wait to get to know her, and for us to introduce Ben and Ella to her. I can't wait to get her home.

Tuesday in Seoul

Oh dear...my dogs are a barkin'. My feet hurt so bad right now! We walked forever and then some today. We went to Insa-dong and bought a few things. It is more an an "artsy" type place. Lots to look at. My sunglasses broke just as we were starting to shop. Actually, they got stuck in my hair, so there I was...standing in the middle of the sidewalk, head down, my husband trying to free me from the things. As if I don't stand out like a sore thumb anyway...now I had sunglasses swinging from my head. Great. On the up side, we found this incredible restaurant while there...it was so delicious. I had bulgogi bibimbap and Jason had mandu soup. The mandu are dumplings filled with meat and they were each the size of your fist. The biggest ones I have ever seen. We each had a nice, cold bottle of coke too. We came out of there very full and very happy. All for only $11. That's the cheapest meal we have had so far. Food is expensive here. This morning's breakfast at Starbucks was crazy. We each had a bagel with bacon/egg/cheese and we shared a bottle of juice and it came to just under $14 and neither one of us were extremely satisfied or full. Guess we know what to look for now.

Once we left Insa-dong, we went to Kyobo bookstore. It's a bookstore in the basement level right in the subway and it is HUGE. I have never seen a bookstore this big. We were in there for what felt like forever. Most of the signs were in korean so it took a bit of searching to find what we were looking for. The children's section was crammed (and I mean crammed) with kids. There were a bunch of places to sit as well as a carpeted area and it was covered with children. They are all so cute. I look at those faces and wonder what Ben will look like at ages 5, 6, and 7. All those kids made me really miss my own. We found a few good buys there and loaded up our arms with our packages and headed back to the guesthouse.

We got back here and I was soooo exhausted. I decided to lay down to rest my weary feet and before I knew it, Jason was waking me up because I had fallen asleep for well over an hour. I'm definitely not adjusted to the time change yet. Maybe after tonight as I am so tired I could just fall over. This is the most exercise I have had in the past 2 years put together, I think. You know me...I hate exercising!

After my nap, I could barely open my eyes (mainly because I was certain they were filled with sand) so we decided we better get up and start walking some more. (Apparently, logic has gone out the window here.) We headed out to the Coex Mall. It's an underground mall that stretches out for forever! It's Seoul's Megamall. I couldn't believe how huge it was. We were pretty sure we were lost a few times over. Jason picked where to eat tonight and we sat down at Pizza Hut. I got to give the korean people lots of credit here. They joined pizza with bulgogi and made something incredible. It was so good!! Bulgogi pizza...now that's one I will be trying at home.

On the way back we decided to stop at the E-Mart. We found eggs and bread so that is tomorrow's breakfast. We figured it wasn't necessary to spend $14 again on tomorrow morning's meal, besides we will be busy getting ready to meet Lily!! No time to go hunting for food.

We are to be at the social worker's office at 9:30. We will go over some paperwork and then load into the van to go to Lily's home. I can't wait. I'm excited, nervous, excited, and nervous some more. I hope she likes us and we don't scare her too much. I'm not sure how strong her stranger anxiety is...so we'll see what tomorrow brings. I just want to hug her, kiss her, tell her how long I have been waiting for her, tell her how much I already love her, and how much I have longed for her. But...I know the reality is that this is going to be a very hard thing for her, that she will be leaving her family, the ones she loves, the ones she feels safe with, the ones who are her world right now. No...I can't force or push myself on her. I need to be patient and do it on her timing. THe day will come when I can snuggle into her...and I will be waiting!

Well, off to wrap up the gifts we brought for her family as well as the social worker. I have to write my thank you cards too. We found this amazing, fancy cake at a French bakery so we will give that to LIly's fostermama tomorrow too. It looks so decadent...it ought to be for $16 for the tiny thing. :) heeheee

I won't get to posting pics tonight...but check tomorrow on the blog.

Seoul...we have arrived!

Well, it's 3am and I am completely awake. I slept for a good 5-6 hours and that's as much as I can do. It's 1pm in the states and my body wants some lunch. I'm starving. Guess I will have to munch on some doritos that I brought until morning comes and we can get out to get something else. I did see a starbucks just a few blocks from here so I will treat myself with something yummy. (Although the usual stand-bys that we have are different here) I had a donut from Dunkin' Donuts yesterday. Chocolate with nuts on the top..or so I thought. I took a bite and it was some sort of weird crunch I've never tasted. Was good...just different. Even the McDonald's has a different menu.

We went out for bibimbop last night. The doorman walked us down a few blocks down a skinny street and into an authentic korean restaurant. We had to remove our shoes at the door, sit at a table on the floor with mats, and point to some pictures of some things that we wanted to eat. Wow...felt very out of place, but got a very good cultural experience.

We are on the other side of the river than when we adopted Ben through Eastern. The neighborhoods are different so this will indeed be a different experience. Hongik University is close to Eastern....so college students galore...a fair amount who are young and have learned a little bit of English. Granted I haven't been here at SWS long, but it doesn't seem to feel the same. I am definitely noticing the language barrier.

We are meeting Lily on Wednesday. Something got a bit goofed up with the scheduling and they thought that we were going to be in on Sunday...not Monday. So due to the fact that we were literally in the air most of Monday, our appt has now been moved to Wednesday, Aug 5. We are to go down a few buildings from the guesthouse to the SWS Baby Hospital and meet our social worker at 9:30. She will then take us to Lily's home where we will get to meet her on her own turf. I'm sooo nervous for that. I dont' want to do anything that might offend the fostermother (although I'm sure she's done this enough that she knows us Americans don't know everything about the korean culture). It will just be hard because it can get difficult talking and carrying on a conversation when everything has to be interpreted back and forth. But the main thing will just be to sit on the floor with Jeeah and start to get to know her and let her check us out. We will most likely find out at this meeting when we will be receiving her as our sweet, own, lovely girl. There is a crib, highchair, and baby bath right here in our room, so I am feeling better about the possibility of getting her earlier...we'll be able to make due. There is also a Wal-mart....I know, Wal-mart...not that far from here so I can grab anything I would need to have if I forgot it. I haven't been there yet, but we were thinking of running by there just so we can get a pic of it.

Since we have the day free today, we will probably try to get out and see some of the city. We have lots that we want to see and little time to do it in. I'll update later.

It feels good to be back here.